Confessions of an Angry Black Man Part 1: Lonely

I'm Angry and I have a bone to pick.

Have you ever been the only person of color in an all-white institution? Ain't that some ole bullshit? Like is the lack of qualified applicants of color that skim? And if it is, who's fault is that and what do we do to change it?

I just started this amazing job. I just graduated from college and I feel privileged to have this opportunity. But as I walk around the office I notice that I am apart of a very small minority of people of color, specifically Black and Latino's. Like there are really NO people of color.In my whole group I'm the only black guy. When I walk around the office I can literally count on my hand the number of Black and Latino people.

That really bothers me. Like I don't have a problem with the company. The people I work with and the recruiters I've met are the nicest people in the world. But damn, I can't help but feel lonely as I walk around. It's like I can't help but notice that I'm different.

Honestly, it also makes me feel self-conscious. I'm afraid to slip up because if I do, I fit the stereotype that black people just can't cut it. It also makes me think "What if they just hired me so that they can have a black person on staff for appearances?" It makes me feel like I have to prove myself everyday. It's unfair that I have to feel this way because I'm tired of trying to prove myself. With all my accomplishments I should never feel inadequate. But being one of the only people of color takes a shot at my confidence.

It makes me wonder...out of all the business schools in all the colleges, you can't tell me there isn't a handful of qualified Black and Latino applicants? Really? And let's say that there is a lack. Why is that? What is up with us? Why can't we get it together? If there are no black people in the business school to begin with, how are companies going to find and recruit us?

The only people of color I see are Asians (Indians and people from East Asia.) Why is it that there are so many Asians and such a lack of Blacks and Latinos? What is stopping us from finding success? These are all legitimate questions I'm trying to find the answer to.

There are a lot of things that I don't know but there is one thing that I do: Somethings got to change. It's the year 2009 and for all the changes that have occurred, many things remain the same. Looking forward all I can think is that I need to keep doing the best I can and help others like me do the same. I think I'll talk to my recruiter about my feelings and see if I can help bring in more people of color. If I can help one other Black or Latino person make it into the firm that is just one more of us.

But until things change I guess I'm going to stay lonely...and very very angry.